odd

odd

when you were gone
to another city
or
to another parallel
universe,
the void
held no joy
in your absence

*

and you,
do you have any idea how
having loved you first
has completely ruined my chance
at being happy with anyone else?
you have poisoned me still.
all my life i have been drawn to
others, male or female lovers, who
gave me just a glimmer of
something that reminded me of you,
but even then, i discovered
nobody else
would ever have a chance
or the substance
to touch me


do you want to know how you have affected me?
you were my first kiss, my first passion
the first tongue thrust into my mouth,
that burned somewhere inside when accepted
you were the dream i surrendered to
before i even knew what it meant
to be completely enchanted
you have always held such power over me,
even still, a thousand miles away
the thought of you enters my mind
and suddenly i cannot breathe.
my life has been utterly dismantled
by your simple hello
i think that het(sorta?) people are
the hottest creatures in the universe.
your mind is your sexiest feature,
there is nobody in the world like you.
and if you were to disappear again from contact
my entire soul would feel the loss, again.
you fucking scare me to death,
but i have ultimately concluded
that if it doesn't terrify me
then it isn't fucking worth it
to begin with

you have absolutely
no idea
how much
i love you

i’ve always loved you

or how much
it torments me to
feel my honest heart
weeping for it’s betrayal
to the one i am with

*
and
we never had the chance
to swallow, inhale, impale, bind, enter, lick, enslave, or fuck
one another…

so you tell me what exactly might be toxic
to whose life
now